For my creative reflection piece, I decided to write a poem about one of my patients who impacted my life and is someone who I will never forget. The night before clinical, I remember praying to God not to give me an emotionally demanding day because I knew I was not prepared for it. I remember waking up the next day and being nervous on my way to clinical because it was going to be our first day at the hospital for our Pediatric rotation as well as our first 12-hour shift. Once we were there, and assigned to our units, I remember waiting for my nurse to arrive and just wondering what these next 12 hours would have in store for me. 

Once my nurse arrived; and we had received report for the two patients we would be caring for, we walked into the first room, and I remember thinking, this is going to be an emotional day. After checking on our first patient, we moved to our second patient, and as we reached the door, my nurse stops and tells me, “this patient is in palliative care, so we need to be careful with what we say.”

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As soon as I heard those words, my heart dropped, and I knew it was going to take everything in me to keep my emotions in check. Walking into the room, I remember seeing them surrounded by their stuffed toys, and I remember them holding their stuffed giraffe and stuffed bear tightly in each hand, which is why I added the images of the stuffed toys in the poem. I remember them covered by a blanket engraved with their name on it, which is the reason behind the first stanza in my poem, “I had never heard that name before to me it was unique. I don’t need a tattoo to remember it, it remains forever engraved in me.” It has been slightly over two months since this day, yet I still remember their name, and I can still see their face and how tightly they held their stuffed toys. I remember the looks on the faces of their loved ones when they came to see them in their room. This patient was in a coma, with a Glasgow score of 3. I remember seeing their heart rate remain way above the expected heart rate of a school-age child, which is what one of the patient’s family members asked their doctor during rounds. After a further explanation from the doctor, 

the doctor then said the patient may have about a week left. The family stayed strong and explained to the nurse and me that the parents asked for a recording of the patient’s heartbeat because they were writing a song with it, which is the reason for my second stanza.    

Throughout the day, we continued to provide care for the patient and made sure they were comfortable the entire time. When it was time for post-conference, we all took turns talking about our day, and it wasn’t until then that I broke down and finally let out what I had been holding in the whole day. My third stanza was about me crying about them, and how even though I didn’t know them, I cried for them as if I had known them my whole life. It was about me feeling guilty for wanting to go home and surround myself with my loved ones when I knew they wouldn’t be able to go home. The fourth stanza was me trying to depict the thoughts I had in my head, where I was angry about the situation because they were only a child who was unable to see everything this world had to offer them. How much I wished they could wake up and experience it all but knowing their case, I knew it was impossible. 

My last stanza was about how I would see my nurse listen to the patient’s family talk about their feelings and comfort them. It’s about me thinking about all the times we’ve read about this in our textbooks and been tested about it on exams, yet no matter how much you read about it, you can never be prepared for it. How caring for patients during these situations will never be easy, but is one of the most impactful and important moments for their loved ones. The last portion of the stanza was about my hopes for the patient, which is why I ended the poem with “from me to you,” as a way to depict the poem as if it were a letter from me to the patient.