A Brick Wall
by Crystal Lemus, RN
My creative piece is a reflection of the many patients I was fortunate enough to interact with and get to know while at a behavioral health hospital. Many of my patients suffered from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and various other mental health issues that resulted in suicidal ideation and self-harm or thoughts of harming others. While getting to know thepatients at Bellaire, I often asked "What are some goals you'd like to accomplish after you receive treatment and aredischarged?", "What helps you cope when you are feeling anxious or angry?" and "Do you have a support system?". It was the answers to these questions that inspired my art piece and its components.
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I chose to create a drawing that reflected my experiences because I was fortunate enough to participate in various art therapy sessions alongside my patients and during one of those sessions the patients chose to draw pictures of objects and different things that made them happy. At the end of the session each patient verbalized how drawing made them feel and most of the time the patients said drawing made them feel relaxed, focused and got their mind of things and I agreed.
The brick wall background was inspired by a 22 year old female patient who isolated herself from other patients and staff and who was selectively mute. She did not trust any staff members and did not believe anyone wanted to help her. Thispatient verbalized that she did not feel that she had a support system and that her trust and being had been hurt and used over and over again and she could not take it anymore. She refused to keep getting hurt so she pnt up a wall in order to protect herself. What she failed to realize is that not everyone is out to hurt to her and there are people who care for her she just has to let them. This same patient also verbalized how music helped her feel less anxious and stated that music was "her escape". The music notes symbolize the escape of the soul from the darkness of reality and the human mind. The figure of a person is dark to symbolize the pain, sadness, depression, hurt, fear and anxiety that many of the patients experienced either presently or at a previous timein their life. The heart is bright red because although many of the patients were depressed, suicidal or aggressive at times, their hearts still remained full of love. I was fortunate enough to see that love manifested through the patient's actions and words of compassion toward their fellow neighbor during emotional therapy sessions. The brain in the head of the dark figure is colored to depict a PET scan of a bipolar brain in a manic state. The tears falling from the face of thefigure depict the release of sadness, anger and hurt from within. The pills and alcoholic glasses are depicted as falling out of the figure alongside the tears to represent getting rid and letting go of an addiction.
The words on the bottom half of the pagerepresent all the negative feelings, thoughts and stigmas that a person with a mental illness faces in today's society. The words at the top of the page represent all the positive things that many of the patients verbalized as things that helped them cope or goals they had for themselves after discharge.
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Lastly, the title "I'm somebody to" was inspired by an older female patient who suffered from a crack addiction of 25 years and also suffered from bipolar disorder who I overheard attempting to get the attention of her psychiatrist who was on the phone with"somebody". As the patient attempted to ask her physician a question about her medication he aggressively said "I am on the phone with somebody". The patient responded in a rather sad tone "I'm somebody to". Seeing that one patient was negatively affected by the response of the busy physician made me want to be a better student nurse for all patients. If they had a question regarding medication or discharge and the nurse or physician was too busy to assist them, I asked ifl could help them and if Icould not, I made sure to write down their question and report it to the nurse. I learned during this rotation a patient, nurse or doctor, we are all somebody and we are all important and deserve respect that no matter what our backgronnd, race, religion, mental status, or whether we are a patient, nurse or doctor, we are all somebody and we are all important and deserve respect.